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I’m a fluffy girl. Fluffy as in sweet and soft, like cotton candy. At least that’s how I like to think of it. Others will say plus-sized, fat, curvy or, my personal favorite, cuddly. I am all of these. I own it.

And I wear Spanx.

Yeah, I said it.

Let’s get this little myth out of the way. Everyone needs a little help in the smoothing department. No matter how skinny you are, there comes a point when help is needed. Spanx do not make you go down a size, like a corset for instance, but instead makes your clothing look better on you. If celebrities use it, I have no problem doing the same.

Although there are different brands of shapewear (Flexees by Maidenform, Bali), Spanx is the name synonymous with keeping our guts under control and our dresses showing our assets not our cellulite.

This fabulous contraption looks like an ace bandage spandex sausage casing.

Spanx are ugly.

UGLY.

There’s no other way to describe it. They are remarkably unsexy and can come in nude, black or white, with the occasional frufru piece of lace to try to pretty it up. (They’re trying because they get how ugly they are. I’ve seen some that are lace looking – though not as firm.)

Spanx are not made to be seen. However, there is always the inevitable day that your guy catches you pulling the beast up or taking it off. Call it false advertising if you want. It’s no worse than wearing a push-up bra, fake lashes or making your very curly hair straight.

Some women will say, “I would never!” Others will say, “That’s only for fat girls!”

Whatever. I’ve been in both of those categories and look where I’m at now.

Writing about how much I love my Spanx.

I got it in my head to ask a few of my friends what they thought about this wondrous invention. Friends of the male variety. Here’s where things got interesting…

These men range in age from 22-35 and are in varying stages of relationships with women of differing shapes and sizes. All names were kept anonymous by request.

What’s your opinion on Spanx?

J: What’s a spanx? Are we talking about spanking? Because if we are…as long as I’m the spanker and not the spankee, we’re cool.

R: Spanking?

B: Ummmm…(Clueless, look)

D: That’s something girls use, right?

It’s kind of like a girdle/corset thing. But it’s spandex. Girls wear it under their clothes and over their underwear.

B: Oh! I know what it is now. They wear it under their dress clothes.

D: They use it for tight dresses and stuff. It’s fine. I never really had to deal with a girl who wore it though.

R: I guess it’s ok. Why are we talking about this? (shifts uncomfortably)

J: I would really rather talk about spanking.

Be honest! If you and a girl were dating and she wore Spanx, how would you feel? Specifically, if you two were about to get it on and you found your hand on that instead of skin, what would your reaction be? Don’t sugarcoat. I won’t be offended…much.

R: I’ve never….I guess I’d be like…ummmm. (looks at me and frowns) Well, to be honest, I’d be wondering what else she was hiding. What’s going to slide out of that thing? Is she going to be huge? Is she going to take off her prosthetic leg like in that movie? (I’m gonna Git you Sucka) Or her contacts and wig?

D: I’d wonder what she was wearing and why. It would probably make me pause for a second. Then I’d try to take it off. If it got that far {us getting it on}, then there’s no way I’m letting something like that get in the way. I’ll take it off with a pair of scissors if I have to.

J: I wouldn’t care. If I want a girl, I want her. I’d be more upset that I had more clothes to take off of her. It’s no biggie. I don’t think about size anyway. I’ve never knowingly had a girlfriend who wore Spanx, but I wouldn’t not date a girl because of it.

B: They are better than those chicken nugget things. (grossed out look gracing his face) It is what it is. Women are always hiding things anyway. They wear make-up. They do their hair all kinds of ways. They wear heels. (pointedly looks at my feet) It’s all an illusion that men can see through. But if it makes them feel good about themselves and feel sexy then fine. I just hate those chicken nuggets. They freak me out. (Chicken cutlets anyone?)

Why do you think women use Spanx?

D: To look better in their clothes.

B: To make themselves feel better about how they look in their clothes.

R: To make them look skinnier.

J: To make their clothes fit better and make them feel sexy.

Would you rather a girl who wears Spanx to make her clothes fit better or a girl who didn’t wear it, even if she may have the occasional lump and bump?

Unanimous: I’d rather she wore Spanx. It shows she cares how she looks. Lumps and bumps are never a good-looking kind of thing. (There were varying degrees of severity but the consensus was that looking good in your clothes was better than looking a hot sloppy mess)

Ok. One more and then I will release you. Maybe. What’s worse- Spanx or Granny Panties?

Unanimous: Granny Panties!

So there you have it! There is nothing better than a naked woman and nothing is worse than granny panties.

Except maybe saggy granny panties.

Go forth my sistren and be confident within your Spanx!

Let’s Talk about Spanx, Baby #shapewear #realdiscussion #funny #newpost #FridayFunday I’m a fluffy girl. Fluffy as in sweet and soft, like cotton candy. At least that’s how I like to think of it.

jdude000:

OH MY GOD

He has no fucks to give. Exactly 0

(Source: best-of-memes, via blimpkitty)

Facts…

(via rmscatfish)